Angst: Apparently Not Just A Teenage Phase

So, I'm working the closing shift at my job for the third night in the row. Why? Because I'm the responsible one. Because I'm the one with the good work ethic. Because I'm the one that holds things together. Because I'm the one that always sucks it up and does what needs to be done because, well, somebody has to do it.

I've skipped all my classes for the last 3 days. Homework too.

I'm tired of being responsible.

I don't want to do school anymore. But it isn't just school. I won't want to do work when that comes either. I don't want to do anything that I don't want to do. I don't want obligations. I don't want obligations monopolizing my time, leaving me so spent at the end of the day that I don't have the energy to do the things I love.

I know. It sounds lazy. People have to work. That's just the way it is. A person's got to eat. But I just wish life were simpler. It's too damn short to waste doing things you don't like. Isn't it?

But if I sit around doing the things I like all day (sleeping, writing, drawing, reading, music, TV, video games, sex...) I'll struggle. I'll live uncomfortably. I mean, really, what are the chances that any of my writing will ever be profitable enough to live on? Let alone soon enough to allow me to never have to do things I don't like. I don't want to struggle anymore. I've had enough of that in my life.

Angst. That's what I feel. There's no better way to describe it. And there's no way to get rid of it. Sometimes I can lock it away, push it down under my subconscious for a little while, but it always resurfaces, strong as it ever was.

It's depressing. It makes me want to give up and just lie in bed all day. But I don't. And I won't. Because I am the kind of person who always sucks it up and does what needs to be done. Because what else are you going to do?