Overdue, but here it is: http://youdontknowdash.blogspot.com/
Go. See. Conquer.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friday, July 04, 2008
The Dark Knight Returns?
That's my lame attempt at humor that is apropos and topical. I fail. Sorry. Point is, I've been gone a long time and now I'm back(ish).
Blogging or not, life goes on. So, as you might imagine, lots of things have happened during the last year. To be honest, I don't really feel like talking about them now though. I'll tell you later.
For now, I will just 1.) show you some of the very few things keeping me sane right now and 2.) institute a new blog staple. So, without further ado...
Keeping Me Sane Right Now:
1. Uchiha Sasuke. So what if he's a fictional character? He's fine. I want to have his Uchiha babies. Yes, the whole slew of them it would take to single handedly repopulate a clan. He's that fine.
2. Batman. Duh. He's awesome. Just wonderfully tortured and morally conflicted. The anticipation of this movie is seriously keeping me motivated for life right now. I have no idea what I'll have to look forward to once I've seen it. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
New Blog Staple: Quote of the Day
Yea, I'm a literary person. I was an English major. I want to be a writer. I like words. So, from now on, each blog will come with a quotation.
First one up:
"I often thought that if I had to live in the trunk of a dead tree, with nothing to do but look up at the sky flowering overhead, little by little I would have gotten used to it [...] anyway, it was one of Maman's ideas, and she often repeated it, that after a while you could get used to anything."
~Albert Camus, The Stranger
That's kind of how I feel right now. Maybe always.
And that, my friends, is all she wrote. Bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all (Pazuzu, the Professor's Gargoyle - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you should definitely go watch some Futurama).
Peace.
Blogging or not, life goes on. So, as you might imagine, lots of things have happened during the last year. To be honest, I don't really feel like talking about them now though. I'll tell you later.
For now, I will just 1.) show you some of the very few things keeping me sane right now and 2.) institute a new blog staple. So, without further ado...
Keeping Me Sane Right Now:
1. Uchiha Sasuke. So what if he's a fictional character? He's fine. I want to have his Uchiha babies. Yes, the whole slew of them it would take to single handedly repopulate a clan. He's that fine.
2. Batman. Duh. He's awesome. Just wonderfully tortured and morally conflicted. The anticipation of this movie is seriously keeping me motivated for life right now. I have no idea what I'll have to look forward to once I've seen it. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
New Blog Staple: Quote of the Day
Yea, I'm a literary person. I was an English major. I want to be a writer. I like words. So, from now on, each blog will come with a quotation.
First one up:
"I often thought that if I had to live in the trunk of a dead tree, with nothing to do but look up at the sky flowering overhead, little by little I would have gotten used to it [...] anyway, it was one of Maman's ideas, and she often repeated it, that after a while you could get used to anything."
~Albert Camus, The Stranger
That's kind of how I feel right now. Maybe always.
And that, my friends, is all she wrote. Bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all (Pazuzu, the Professor's Gargoyle - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you should definitely go watch some Futurama).
Peace.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Smorgasbord
It's been forever since the last time I posted anything, so now I'm going to give you the quick recap of the last four months of my life.
I graduated. Barely. Mostly due to the kindness and leniency of my spring semester philosophy and english teachers. But I now have a diploma, so it still counts. It rained like hell the day I graduated. If you ask me, the symbolism was all wrong. I wasn't sad in the least. Still not. Soooo glad to be done with school. Mayor Bloomberg was the speaker for the all-school graduation. He gave a dull, stereotypically self-help type speak. The head of the english department (a wonderfully intelligent and witty man who I've actually mentioned in my blog before - the one I always say the wrong thing to) gave the address to the english, women's studies, and american studies graduation. Highlight (paraphrased): An american studies major, a women's studies major, and an english major walk into a bar. The american studies major says 'in this day and age there are still so many injustices of race, class, gender, wealth, etc. in the workforce and world. We have to change that.' The women's studies major says 'there are still so many gender injustices in the workplace. Women make 80 cents to every man's dollar. We have to change that.' The english major says 'Work? We have to change that.' Classic. Great. True.
The unshakeable feelings of depression and complete lack of motivation to do anything at all with myself ever dispersed after I graduated. My sleep schedule is much more normal. I do things. Write, read, see movies, whatever.
I have a job at this place: TNS Media/Cymfony. It's got to be the best suited job for me ever. We analyze online media content for various companies and report the findings back to them. Essentially, I read and write. I can do most of the work at home. I get to say I've worked for huge, well-established companies. I get paid for looking at newspapers, blogs, and youtube. It's awesome.
I had one of my (rather old, from junior year of high school I believe) short stories published on one of Boston's daily newspapers, BostonNOW. It was published from June 13 - June 15 in three parts. Take a look: Part One, Part Two, Part Three. Page twenty for all three. This is amazing because it's the first time I've had anything of mine accepted in a non-student publication. Still smiling about it now.
My boyfriend got a new, better paying, less annoying, job here: Oxford Global Resources. He also got a new car. A Honda Civic Hybrid. It's the best mileage I've ever seen in my life. 48-53 miles per gallon. Crazy. So we've been driving around Boston just for the hell of it a lot lately. Whoever created Boston's street layout was an idiot who clearly never took a math or physics class in his entire life. Not that I didn't know that before the car, but now I know it so much more intimately.
So basically, things are going well. It's nice when things go that way. I hope it lasts for awhile.
Completely random and for your entertainment:
Star Wars Robot Chicken
Great Family Guy Sketch
The Full Harry Potter Trailer
thats all. byebye.
I graduated. Barely. Mostly due to the kindness and leniency of my spring semester philosophy and english teachers. But I now have a diploma, so it still counts. It rained like hell the day I graduated. If you ask me, the symbolism was all wrong. I wasn't sad in the least. Still not. Soooo glad to be done with school. Mayor Bloomberg was the speaker for the all-school graduation. He gave a dull, stereotypically self-help type speak. The head of the english department (a wonderfully intelligent and witty man who I've actually mentioned in my blog before - the one I always say the wrong thing to) gave the address to the english, women's studies, and american studies graduation. Highlight (paraphrased): An american studies major, a women's studies major, and an english major walk into a bar. The american studies major says 'in this day and age there are still so many injustices of race, class, gender, wealth, etc. in the workforce and world. We have to change that.' The women's studies major says 'there are still so many gender injustices in the workplace. Women make 80 cents to every man's dollar. We have to change that.' The english major says 'Work? We have to change that.' Classic. Great. True.
The unshakeable feelings of depression and complete lack of motivation to do anything at all with myself ever dispersed after I graduated. My sleep schedule is much more normal. I do things. Write, read, see movies, whatever.
I have a job at this place: TNS Media/Cymfony. It's got to be the best suited job for me ever. We analyze online media content for various companies and report the findings back to them. Essentially, I read and write. I can do most of the work at home. I get to say I've worked for huge, well-established companies. I get paid for looking at newspapers, blogs, and youtube. It's awesome.
I had one of my (rather old, from junior year of high school I believe) short stories published on one of Boston's daily newspapers, BostonNOW. It was published from June 13 - June 15 in three parts. Take a look: Part One, Part Two, Part Three. Page twenty for all three. This is amazing because it's the first time I've had anything of mine accepted in a non-student publication. Still smiling about it now.
My boyfriend got a new, better paying, less annoying, job here: Oxford Global Resources. He also got a new car. A Honda Civic Hybrid. It's the best mileage I've ever seen in my life. 48-53 miles per gallon. Crazy. So we've been driving around Boston just for the hell of it a lot lately. Whoever created Boston's street layout was an idiot who clearly never took a math or physics class in his entire life. Not that I didn't know that before the car, but now I know it so much more intimately.
So basically, things are going well. It's nice when things go that way. I hope it lasts for awhile.
Completely random and for your entertainment:
Star Wars Robot Chicken
Great Family Guy Sketch
The Full Harry Potter Trailer
thats all. byebye.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Business As Usual
So...Ive been on spring break for the last week. In theory this would have been the time to write the two past due papers I owe or catch up on all the reading I havent been doing all semester or maybe even try to find myself a job for after graduation (assuming I graduate in May, which at the rate Im going is no guarantee). But no, I did none of these things.
Instead, I just sat in my room for a whole week. Seriously. I havent seen the outside world in seven days (except for the brief glimpses I got when going to the door to retrieve my delivery orders). What did I do with all this time while cooped up in my room? Did I find (or even just start) my master opus? Oh no. I drew and read and wrote and watched T.V. and played video games and stayed up until five in the morning and sleep until three in the afternoon and threw mental tempertantrums about how much I hate school and work and life - all of which was wonderful, but none too productive.
Oh, well. I guess Ill just pull an all nighter tonight (and maybe tomorrow night as well) and try to get enough work done to keep me from dying of shame when my teachers glare at me in dissapointment on Monday.
On a more happy note, welcome to the things that have been keeping me (in?)sane recently:
Best Present Ever
Darkest Sketch Ever
TMNT Trailer
Spiderman 3 Trailer
Order of the Phoenix Trailer
Simpson's Movie Trailer
Instead, I just sat in my room for a whole week. Seriously. I havent seen the outside world in seven days (except for the brief glimpses I got when going to the door to retrieve my delivery orders). What did I do with all this time while cooped up in my room? Did I find (or even just start) my master opus? Oh no. I drew and read and wrote and watched T.V. and played video games and stayed up until five in the morning and sleep until three in the afternoon and threw mental tempertantrums about how much I hate school and work and life - all of which was wonderful, but none too productive.
Oh, well. I guess Ill just pull an all nighter tonight (and maybe tomorrow night as well) and try to get enough work done to keep me from dying of shame when my teachers glare at me in dissapointment on Monday.
On a more happy note, welcome to the things that have been keeping me (in?)sane recently:
Best Present Ever
Darkest Sketch Ever
TMNT Trailer
Spiderman 3 Trailer
Order of the Phoenix Trailer
Simpson's Movie Trailer
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Naruto Shippuuden
So...Saddam is dead, James Brown is dead, we - or rather the US - have a "new" plan for Iraq, I think global warming has accelerated and yet the only thing I can seem to care about right now is:
Shippuuden Trailer(Kakashi Voiceover)
or, if you prefer Naruto's sexy new man voice:
Shippuuden Teaser(Naruto Voiceover)
Shippuuden Trailer(Kakashi Voiceover)
or, if you prefer Naruto's sexy new man voice:
Shippuuden Teaser(Naruto Voiceover)
Saturday, December 09, 2006
What's Going On
Just updating, because this time of the semester is always interesting.
For starters, I haven't really gone to classes or done homework for a few weeks now. One of the unfortunate consequences of this is that my English teacher was worried about me. I don't like it when people worry about me. Especially people I like and respect. So I met with her briefly outside of class to assure her I was ok.
During this meeting, I found myself admitting that I didn't have any excuse for missing class and that all I'd really been doing was sleeping and reading and writing and watching TV during my hiatus. She responded by saying that she understood how that might be theraputic, but she also warned me that it sounded suspiciously like depression. She overtly suggested I go talk to someone about my problems and not so overtly suggested I not do anything harmful to myself.
Some part of me wanted to be angry at her because she was being very intrusive and nosy. But honestly, I just felt bad for making her worry. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to tell her that I'm not the kind of person that needs to be worried about. That I would never and could never hurt myself no matter how bad things got because I don't like pain and am terrified of death. That I'm not depressed. Or that if I am, it's fine because I don't feel sad just apathetic and indifferent and sometimes a little angry. That no matter what, I'll be ok, I'll get over it. I always have. I always will. I'm just that kind of person.
Of course, I didn't tell her those things. Instead I just asked her not to worry without providing her good reason not to. Even still, I hope it helped a little. I don't like when people worry about me.
Speaking of teachers, I had to meet the English department chair not too long ago for him to sign my degree sheet so that I can graduate. I took a class with him one semester: post-modernism and film. He is the most intelligent, intellectual, verbally eloquent person I have ever met. I think I idolize him a little. I always want to seem smart in his presence. I want to seem worthy of speaking to him. But when I go near him, I always feel like I'm bumbling.
On the last day of the class I took with him, he handed back our final papers. When he gave me mine, he said "much better." He said this because my first paper for that class had been crap. I didn't want to write it. I spent not nearly enough time on it. It was crap. I knew it. For the last paper, I made sure I wrote a brilliant paper because I wanted him to know I was a good student and an intelligent person. So I was happy with his praise, but already knew the thing he told me. So all I said to him was "I know."
I've been kicking myself for that comment ever since. I wonder how it sounded to him. Arrogant? Dismissive? Suspicious? I can't help thinking I should've expained it more or just graciously said "thank-you." When I was on my way to get him to sign my degree sheet, I was actually considering apologizing for the comment.
But of course, when I got to his office I did no such thing. I wasn't even sure if he remembered me. I was just one student from one of his classes. So everything was business when I saw him. For both of us. Until I was about to walk out with my signed degree sheet. He called me by my name and asked me how I was doing.
I wish he hadn't. I almost spilled everything about how I was feeling about life, school, family. But I couldn't. A man like him, a tenured univeristy professor with a B.A., an M.A., and a PhD could never understand lack of motivation, right? So I just mumbled something about senioritis and he wished me luck getting through it. Then I left. And now I've got even more to kick myself about.
In a drastic change of subject, the final project for my playwriting class is that one of the theatre troops on campus will be putting on a ten minute play from each student in my class. I sat in on the rehearsal for my play today. It was a decidedly bad experience. I won't bad mouth the director or actors, because that's not nice, but it's really hard to watch something you wrote be misinterpreted or just mauled.
I mean...when it was read in my class, it went over really well. My classmates understood it. They knew when it was funny and they knew when it was serious and they undertood why. But the actors don't seem to get it. They kept trying to be serious and realistic when they were supposed to be dramatic and over-the-top and funny. And when they were supposed to be realistic, they just came off as ingenuine. The director seemed to understand what I intended with the play, but didn't seem to convey it to the actors well. Of well, I'm prepared to be dissapointed with the production. I guess there's a lession in that, namely that I'm not meant to be a playwriter. I don't like my work in other people's hands.
In other news, I have a ton of work to do and I'm not doing it at all. I have a paper that's a month late. I have a paper that's a day late. I have a paper due today. I have a paper due Monday. I have a project due Monday. I have an exam on Thursday. I have exam on Friday. It'll all get done eventually, I suppose.
Someone told me not too long ago that they like this me. The fuck the world, I do what I want me. This me, they said, is sexy.
I suppose it would be if I actually felt that way. But I don't. I'm not thinking "I don't want to do my work, so I'm not going to." I am thinking "I don't want to do my work, but I have to." And even if I don't have to, it still feels that way.
I don't feel liberated or sexy, just trapped. I'll be so damn happy when school is over and I'm finally let out of the cage, even if only to stretch my wings for a little while before being put back.
For starters, I haven't really gone to classes or done homework for a few weeks now. One of the unfortunate consequences of this is that my English teacher was worried about me. I don't like it when people worry about me. Especially people I like and respect. So I met with her briefly outside of class to assure her I was ok.
During this meeting, I found myself admitting that I didn't have any excuse for missing class and that all I'd really been doing was sleeping and reading and writing and watching TV during my hiatus. She responded by saying that she understood how that might be theraputic, but she also warned me that it sounded suspiciously like depression. She overtly suggested I go talk to someone about my problems and not so overtly suggested I not do anything harmful to myself.
Some part of me wanted to be angry at her because she was being very intrusive and nosy. But honestly, I just felt bad for making her worry. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to tell her that I'm not the kind of person that needs to be worried about. That I would never and could never hurt myself no matter how bad things got because I don't like pain and am terrified of death. That I'm not depressed. Or that if I am, it's fine because I don't feel sad just apathetic and indifferent and sometimes a little angry. That no matter what, I'll be ok, I'll get over it. I always have. I always will. I'm just that kind of person.
Of course, I didn't tell her those things. Instead I just asked her not to worry without providing her good reason not to. Even still, I hope it helped a little. I don't like when people worry about me.
Speaking of teachers, I had to meet the English department chair not too long ago for him to sign my degree sheet so that I can graduate. I took a class with him one semester: post-modernism and film. He is the most intelligent, intellectual, verbally eloquent person I have ever met. I think I idolize him a little. I always want to seem smart in his presence. I want to seem worthy of speaking to him. But when I go near him, I always feel like I'm bumbling.
On the last day of the class I took with him, he handed back our final papers. When he gave me mine, he said "much better." He said this because my first paper for that class had been crap. I didn't want to write it. I spent not nearly enough time on it. It was crap. I knew it. For the last paper, I made sure I wrote a brilliant paper because I wanted him to know I was a good student and an intelligent person. So I was happy with his praise, but already knew the thing he told me. So all I said to him was "I know."
I've been kicking myself for that comment ever since. I wonder how it sounded to him. Arrogant? Dismissive? Suspicious? I can't help thinking I should've expained it more or just graciously said "thank-you." When I was on my way to get him to sign my degree sheet, I was actually considering apologizing for the comment.
But of course, when I got to his office I did no such thing. I wasn't even sure if he remembered me. I was just one student from one of his classes. So everything was business when I saw him. For both of us. Until I was about to walk out with my signed degree sheet. He called me by my name and asked me how I was doing.
I wish he hadn't. I almost spilled everything about how I was feeling about life, school, family. But I couldn't. A man like him, a tenured univeristy professor with a B.A., an M.A., and a PhD could never understand lack of motivation, right? So I just mumbled something about senioritis and he wished me luck getting through it. Then I left. And now I've got even more to kick myself about.
In a drastic change of subject, the final project for my playwriting class is that one of the theatre troops on campus will be putting on a ten minute play from each student in my class. I sat in on the rehearsal for my play today. It was a decidedly bad experience. I won't bad mouth the director or actors, because that's not nice, but it's really hard to watch something you wrote be misinterpreted or just mauled.
I mean...when it was read in my class, it went over really well. My classmates understood it. They knew when it was funny and they knew when it was serious and they undertood why. But the actors don't seem to get it. They kept trying to be serious and realistic when they were supposed to be dramatic and over-the-top and funny. And when they were supposed to be realistic, they just came off as ingenuine. The director seemed to understand what I intended with the play, but didn't seem to convey it to the actors well. Of well, I'm prepared to be dissapointed with the production. I guess there's a lession in that, namely that I'm not meant to be a playwriter. I don't like my work in other people's hands.
In other news, I have a ton of work to do and I'm not doing it at all. I have a paper that's a month late. I have a paper that's a day late. I have a paper due today. I have a paper due Monday. I have a project due Monday. I have an exam on Thursday. I have exam on Friday. It'll all get done eventually, I suppose.
Someone told me not too long ago that they like this me. The fuck the world, I do what I want me. This me, they said, is sexy.
I suppose it would be if I actually felt that way. But I don't. I'm not thinking "I don't want to do my work, so I'm not going to." I am thinking "I don't want to do my work, but I have to." And even if I don't have to, it still feels that way.
I don't feel liberated or sexy, just trapped. I'll be so damn happy when school is over and I'm finally let out of the cage, even if only to stretch my wings for a little while before being put back.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Indifference
I'm taking the GREs tomorrow.
I should get some sleep. I probably won't.
I should have studied A LOT more. I didn't.
This is probably the most important test you will ever take said somone. They're probably right.
I should care. I don't.
I'm seriously considering skipping out on the test. But it's paid for, so I might as well take it. I guess.
I just don't give a damn. From the severe senioritis I'm suffering from right now, I know for a fact that I don't want to go to grad school. I don't want to do more tedious work, more research, more "learning." I just want to write and draw and read. That's it. That's my ambition. I don't need a MA or a PHD to feel good about myself at night. I just need to be able to do something with my life that I don't loathe. So yea...couldn't give a fuck less about the GREs.
In other news, my playwriting teacher invited our class to her apartment to hang out today. It was nice. We just sat around and talked about plays, fiction, literature, films, etc. I love writers.
Speaking of writing, I have this idea for a Naruto fanfic that's been burning my mind all day. I've never written fanfiction, but this idea refuses to be let go so I guess I'll have to do it.
Sadly, Naruto fanfic has been getting me through life for the last few weeks. Pathetic. I know. It's been mostly smut too. Even more pathetic. I know. Who knew I liked that kind of thing? I usually sit comfortably on my literary high horse refusing to even look at crap like that.
Doh well. Que sera, sera.
I should get some sleep. I probably won't.
I should have studied A LOT more. I didn't.
This is probably the most important test you will ever take said somone. They're probably right.
I should care. I don't.
I'm seriously considering skipping out on the test. But it's paid for, so I might as well take it. I guess.
I just don't give a damn. From the severe senioritis I'm suffering from right now, I know for a fact that I don't want to go to grad school. I don't want to do more tedious work, more research, more "learning." I just want to write and draw and read. That's it. That's my ambition. I don't need a MA or a PHD to feel good about myself at night. I just need to be able to do something with my life that I don't loathe. So yea...couldn't give a fuck less about the GREs.
In other news, my playwriting teacher invited our class to her apartment to hang out today. It was nice. We just sat around and talked about plays, fiction, literature, films, etc. I love writers.
Speaking of writing, I have this idea for a Naruto fanfic that's been burning my mind all day. I've never written fanfiction, but this idea refuses to be let go so I guess I'll have to do it.
Sadly, Naruto fanfic has been getting me through life for the last few weeks. Pathetic. I know. It's been mostly smut too. Even more pathetic. I know. Who knew I liked that kind of thing? I usually sit comfortably on my literary high horse refusing to even look at crap like that.
Doh well. Que sera, sera.
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